The Munro family quote book

We have a family quote book. Abby started it a few years ago – jotting down in a ‘Barbie’ exercise book some of the wacky things people in our family have said. Some of our family are quite witty, it’s true. Not this one perhaps… but, some are. But this book was actually more of a celebration of the very many UN-witty things we say. I, myself, am frequently represented… A lot of the jokes are ‘family’ ones, and sometimes you just had to be there, but here is a selection, along with the back cover from the ‘book’, as it was when Abby compiled it as a Christmas present for each of us.

WARNING – We joke around a lot in our family. We’re not too precious about ourselves, or each other. We’re actually really nice people, and would never ‘pay out’ anyone else…. except, of course, for Jason :)
Also, Tammy was in the US during most of this time, or she would indubitably have been represented much more :)


Abby: Jonny that was my healthy lunch you just ate!
Jonny: I only took a bite! – Now it’s healthier :)

Abby (in art class): I just picked this picture (a cute, cartoon skeleton) cause I liked it.
Tutor: No, you have to give a deeper interpretation
Abby: Okay… I picked this picture because it reminds me of my brother (class laughs) cause we’re always visiting him in hospital with the cancer and he broke his neck and back in a car accident…
Class: (long, uncomfortable silence)
Abby: (uncontrollable giggle)

Mum: We’ve just had an explosion here!
Abby: An explosion??!!
Mum: Yes
Abby: As in…
Mum: Bang!
Ben: The battery blew up
Abby: No way!
Oliver: Yeah we haven’t had an explosion like that since Ben attached his little car thing that he made through wire into the electrical socket!
Mum: He what?!?!
Ben: It’s okay – you already got me in trouble for that one
Mum: Oh, good! Don’t do it again.
Ben: (wicked grin)

Dad: You hit all the wrong notes
Abby: (playing viola) No I didn’t!
Dad: Well then I hate the song!

Oliver: (to his twin) Ben, you’re really, ridiculously good-looking!

Bethy: I could cook meals for them
Oliver: They’re already sick

Abby (about Sarah) : She’s my friend
Jonny: No, she’s my friend!
: Okay we’ll put her in the middle of the room and both call her and see who she goes to.

Ben: Oliver, you’re really ridiculously good-looking!

Bethy (playing Phase 10): So we have to get 2 sets of 3…won’t everyone run out of 3’s?

Jonny (calling home): Hey Bethy, are mum or dad there?
Bethy: Who’s this?
Jonny: Are you serious? It’s Jonny
Bethy: Oh – okay, hold on…
(mum answers phone)
Jonny: Hey can some people come over tonight?
Mum: Who is this?
Jonny: (sigh)

Dad: We’ll sing the first verse of ‘O How Lovely was the Morning’. I know it’s a big choir song, but –
Mum: I’ll take first soprano!
Abby: I’ll do descant!
Mick: I’ll take bass!
Jonny: I’ll take tenor!
Bethy: I’ll take alto!
Ben: I’ll take audience!

Jonny: Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M&M factory? … Because she kept throwing out all the ‘W’s
Mum: What was wrong with the ‘W’s?

Abby: How do you get ink out of a white skirt?
Tammy: Are you paying me out because I tried white-out that time?

Tammy: Remember that time I tried to suck the air out of that bag of cut onions and I nearly passed out?

Dad: What would the family be like if we only had Mick and Tammy?
Ben: Uhm… well I guess I really wouldn’t know.

Dad: (opening a Christmas present) Honey this is from your mother… oh… we’ve adopted a platypus…

Dad: Honey you need to work on focusing
Mum: You guys don’t understand, I can focus on lots of things at once!
Tammy: Mum, the definition of ‘focusing’…

Ben: No, Oliver! That was my only ruler you just broke!
Beth: Yeah, but now you have 2!

Abby: I didn’t get to sleep at all on the flight
Mum: yes you did, because you kicked me in your sleep and then you smiled…I think you were asleep!
Abby: Oh yeah that’s right – slept for ages!

Mum: Wait, this road looks familiar! … I think we’ve been lost here before

Abby: (opening a Christmas present) Yay! More undies!!
Mum: They’re Elle MacPhersons!
Micky: What is it with second hand undies?

Abby: We should do Denise Austin’s 30 minute blockbuster workout!
Jonny: Okay – how long does it take?

Mum: Abby stop sticking your bottom out – stand up straight
Abby: I’m not sticking it out
Mum: Oh...

Micky: I just heard on the radio that in the last year several large asteroids passed very close to earth, and a NASA scientist published his belief that they were flung at earth from a civilisation millions of light years away.
Abby: Haha – and they missed!

Bethy: What’s Al Qaeda?
Mum: You don’t know?!
Bethy: Well I mean, I know it’s a place…

Jonny: Learning Korean was awesome - I’m the smart kid! The hardest bit was trying to read the English translations.

Mum: Jessima you have beautiful eyes
Dad: And lovely teeth
Mum: And you’re a lovely height
Oliver: They’re going to eat you

Jonny: Here’s a sharpener
Dad: I’ve got one and mine’s better
Jonny: Mine has Barbie on it, how could yours be better?
Dad: Mine doesn’t have Barbie on it.

Oliver: (beat-boxing)
Abby: Hey you’re almost as good as Jonny at that!
Jonny: How insulting!
Abby: Okay you’re right – Oliver you’re way better than Jonny!

Abby: I’m excited for the houseboat, but we’ll get bored
Dad: Are you serious?! Swimming, fishing –
Abby: Swimming? Are you serious?! What about crocodiles, haven’t you been to Australia Zoo?
Dad: There are no crocodiles in the Tweed River!
Abby: Really?
Dad: The sharks ate them all.

Ben (at the Pancake Parlour): How freaky would this place be if it were twice as big, and the lights were really dim……and you could hear shuffling…

Abby: I’m so excited about the houseboat! Except I don’t think I’ll swim cause of sharks
Oliver: I know! We can fish, catch all the sharks and then swim!
Jonny: Except you’ll probably catch the babies and the mum shark will eat you!
Micky: Or catch all the fish and so the sharks are hungry and then eat you
Abby: Yeah… I’ll watch.

Jonny: Mum - I’m not perfect
Mum: I know - you get that from your father

Jonny: Can I have some chocolate?
Dad: Steal your own!
………………(a while later)……………………
Bethy: Where’s my chocolate?
Dad: Jonny is that Bethy’s chocolate?!
Jonny: You said ‘steal your own’!

Jonny: She was aiming for my head!
Mum: It being the biggest target!

Micky: When mediocre results are required, I’m your man!

Dad: Bethy your friends won’t even notice if you’re not there!
Bethy: Of course they will, there are only 2 of them!

Mum: Oh sorry to keep you waiting – I put some hand cream on and I couldn’t get out the door!

Mum: Bethany you really do need to stop acting dumb
Bethy: I’m not acting!!

Mum: (hearing the end of a conversation): Who has 2 right feet??
All: Ben!
Ben: Hey! – Mine are left!

Ben (After singing ‘Give Said the Little Stream’ in FHE): I always thought that song said ‘give said the little string!
Oliver: Me too! I couldn’t figure out why it was running down the lane… or why it was a primary song.

Dad: Tonight’s lesson is taken from Doctrine and Covenants 58:26-29
Bethy: Would you like me to quote it for you?
Dad: Go ahead!
Bethy:… okay I was bluffing

Micky: Sorry Tam I couldn’t hear you – Abby was talking to me and she’s pretty much impossible to ignore.
Tammy: Yeah, Helen Keller couldn’t ignore her!

Abby: Wow, Oliver! – You knew something I didn’t! Quick, go and write it in a little book!
Oli: Uhm, that book is full.

Bethy: Did we get a heap of new bowls recently?
Abby: Uh…we did but ages ago
Bethy: Well I’ve been meaning to ask that question for a while

Mum: So you had fun camping?
Bethy: Ahuh
Mum: And you were really good the whole time?
Bethy: Ahuh!... Oh wait – define really good.

Mum: Tammy got another 2 exams back, and they were both out of 10. For one she got 16, for the other she got 15. What I want to know is - where she lost the mark in the second one?

Abby: Remember that ‘M.A.T.C.H’ game? – you’re gonna live in an attic, drive a skateboard, marry Brad Pitt and have 37½ children!
Oliver: Gee, I’d hate to be the half!
Jonny: What are you talking about? – You are the half!!

(halfway through mum’s FHE activity)
Jonny: Oh! Can we play a game??
Mum: We are playing a game!
Jonny: Oh… I mean… a fun one!
Mum: (sigh)